North? Why The Future Appears Impossible



By Tunde Asaju

The Emir of Kutiwenji spends $1 billion on 300 almajiri but the Sultan of Kano only spends 1 million girama – that’s the new defense I am reading online. Yenyenyenyenyen!

Who says Naija will be great? I have bad news. That’s future impossible tense. Ao lè wá alright like this ó. Las las!

If you are a northerners and you find this ditty worthy to be shared, walail ká kai kwakwallawanka wajen masu wanki baka dawo ka karba ba. I mean, like seriously?

You idolize a ruler that feeds abandoned children over one that preaches that people should make children only when they can care for them? Let me ask you to go and learn from the dogs. Walail kare or dogs only do it when it’s the season for procreation. The reason the rabbit does it indiscriminately is because you guys need protein.

Seriously?! Just seriously! It’s time we tell each other naked truths and stop calling spades pruning hooks. The culture that allows people to get into marriages without a sense of responsibility; and procreate and divorce with saki uku or the talaq may have been okay in the 12th Century, the fact that you have a phone, and an FB account means it’s not alright today.

Let me tell you what’s also not alright. It’s not alright for any government to become official matchmaker. It’s not alright for government to spend taxpayer money or federal allocation on arranged marriages that would produce more almajirai. No, its not.

And while you’re fuming, I’ll add more. It’s not Islamic to have almajirai. Just ask those who have gone to Mecca and Madina and they’ll tell you it’s not Sunnah. I don’t know where we got this nonsense that allows a man who cannot wash his own babbar riga to marry one in the hope that her kadara would somehow redeem his failed state-and-ignorance-induced poverty. To go in to his ‘wife’ without condom and procreate.

I find it obnoxious and you Muslims and Catholics should stop thinking that sex is only for procreation and that condoms are not God/Allah’s design. There were no planes when the Prophet (SAW) and Jesus Christ were around. So if you want a pristine state of faith, stop using phone. Tell your Boko Haram and Christian terrorists to stop buying and using AK47s and other weapons of man’s destruction.

  • Typical Almajiris as seen in most part of the Northern Nigeria

No sir. Yes, Amr Sanusi Lamido Sanusi is himself not controlled. At the last count, he had 12 children. But he could probably cater for their material needs. Well, as any father knows, children need more than clothes, bicycles etc, they need parents to check their assignments, take them to parks or on escursion and buy them meals and sometimes play together. That’s what parenting is about, not – go and ask your mother. But by God SLS has spoken against the cancer that is making others call northerners political parasites.

I am not saying the Gombe Emir is wrong, I am saying there’s no basis for comparison. If we don’t tackle almajirci at the roots, we are fucking screwed.

Years back, kidnapping was an Anambra thing. Now you’re all swarmed on top of each other buying inexisting tickets just to get from Kaduna to Abuja or vice versa. How long do you think you can do that before the murderous goons derail trains and cause a monumental disaster? Just how long do you think before they mutate to that level?

We must stop being unnecessarily sensitive. Stop being holier than the pope. We can’t develop like this. There won’t always be a nepotistic leader in government using the subterfuge of federal character to appoint half baked people into boards of parastatals and agencies. Things have got to change.

My dear people, we must plan a family. We must start emulating the people in the East that brought us Islam and Christianity not just in wickedness but orderliness and tact. Honestly, we can’t always pick and choose which aspect of religion we should be. We should plan. As the saying when you fail to plan, we plan to fail.

Both Emirs have done their best, but one person is asking us to treat the disease at the roots while the other is treating symptoms. I don’t care anymore, we must face the truth, the attitude of most of us is not helping matters. We can’t continue like this. The economy can’t shoulder this responsibility and the world is not leaving us behind. It would drag us whether or not we are equipped to compete. We must start working on competing in a world with iPads instead of extolling the virtues of makarantan alo. Who says our children cannot learn the Glorious Qur’an on iPads instead of chalkboards?

If we don’t start criticizing ourselves, we’ll be hurt when others do it for us. I don’t know if my point is made!


Asaju is a Nigerian based in Canada


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