By Emeka Oparah
First off, let me express my sincerest sympathy to all who were snookered by the infamous traffic that happened to Lagosians on the Island, yesterday.
Unfortunately, I gather the traffic gridlock is unrelenting and has notoriously spilled over to this new day. After spending most of the evening (the night, on some cases), people still went to work today-and some are back where they left off: in traffic! O ma se!
One can only imagine what people went through(and are still going through) sitting through a hoodlum-infested traffic jam for hours on end, some up to 10 hours or more!
All I can say is sorry, guys! I’ve been there and I know how it feels, especially if your “tank” is full or you’re pressed for No. 2 or your fuel level is low, literally and metaphorically in which case, you’re hungry and your car needs petrol! Double wahala!
As I looked at the luciferous traffic in the videos and posts on social media, my better forgotten experiences in Lagos traffic sadly, very sadly, scrolled through my mental timeline in the relatively “go slow”-free Dubai.
I certainly may have escaped from that catastrophe, but it’s only for awhile. Isn’t it. Eventually, I’ll be back home someday to face one of the consequences of living in one of the fastest growing cities in the world.
Except Gov. Babajide Sanwo-Olu and his boss, PBAT decide to do something about it-and fast!
Now let me tell you a story.
In 2002, sone months after I joined Econet Wireless Nigeria, I attended a course in South Africa.
By the way, don’t forget that I used to work in Cadbury Nigeria located in Agidingbi, Ikeja, Lagos. The area became notorious for its regular inexplicable “go-slow” (traffic jam). We used to joke that witches and wizards were meeting because no one could tell exactly what caused the traffic! So, I was fairly experienced with surprise and normal traffic. Anyone!
So, when I arrived Johanesburg that fateful morning, I called my “Landlady” to inform her that I had arrived safely. She was just heading out to work from Opebi (Ikeja) to Victoria Island, where her bank branch was situated. And, as usual, we kept each other posted.
When I got to my hotel, I texted her. She shocked me by saying that she was still on Opebi Road! That was about an hour afterwards. Traffic!
I freshened up and went to the venue of the course and updated her. She was still in Opebi! During Tea Break, I called and she told me she finally made it to Opebi Link Road which connected Mobolaji Bank Anthony Way adjacent the Sheraton Hotel.
At lunch time, she was still on that 200 meter stretch. At this time, it was past 1pm in Lagos and 7 hours into her journey. I advised her to go back home, but she told me that they couldn’t even turn back. The whole area was on a total lockdown!
At the end of the day’s training, I went back to my hotel from where I kept regular tabs on her journey. Mercifully, the driver filled up the fuel tank after he dropped me off at the airport. So, no wahala with that. I will not want to bother you with how she managed with nature. As for food, she turned the day into a day of fasting! Hehehe 😂
To cut the long story short, she and her driver stubbornly persisted until they eventually made it to Maryland Bus Stop at about 4pm! I’m not sure who between the two of them was more intransigent because continuing the journey towards Anthony bypass was abso-fucking-lutely imbecilic. Yet they chose that.
When they eventually made it to the Oshodi bypass, they elected to make a turn on the bridge and head back home. In any event, the day was gone and the bank had closed. The journey back home was even longer. They eventually got home by 1am the next day! I had slept off with my phone in my hand following up on their journey. In effect, they spent 19 hours on the road, in traffic, without getting to their destination (in fact, without going beyond 4 kilometers)! Insane!
Let me not bore you with my multiple experiences in Lagos traffic, including the infamous Lagos-Ibadan traffic. In one instance, the late Ken Tadaferua and I had gone to Abeokuta to visit OBJ. The journey back to Lagos took us 13 hours!!!
After escaping from the Sagamu-Lagos stretch, we veered off towards the Epe-Lagos road and that was where we were totally snookered. We had a lady friend in the car with us. I’m almost feeling sorry all over again for her because it was pure hell. Ken kept comforting and encouraging and reassuring her. Las las, she used the bush. Understood?
Whoever planned this latest traffic on the Island should be arrested and given 24 strokes of the cane by a carefully selected committee of concerned citizens including men, women, children, angels and saints! That’s my immediate recommendation. Hahaha 😂
How came it this road work wasn’t done during the weekend and Eid holidays? Why wasn’t the road closure announced well in advance, the people sensitized and alternate routes planned and tested to avoid this bedlam?
Now that this smelling shit has already hit the speeding fan, what can the Lagos State Government do to ameliorate the situation and limit the damage and impact? Can corporate organizations switch over to Work From Home (WFH) for the time being to save the mental health of their staff and rescue something from the already bad situation?
As I already premised, thank God I escaped this one. I can only imagine driving from Parkview Ikoyi to Banana Island! An otherwise 10-minute drive would take over 6 hours, if one doesn’t abandon the car and walk back home or turn back at the notorious roundabout that connects Ikoyi and the Lekki Link Bridge.
God abeg O!!!
And yes, it’s been 32 years since I moved to Lagos from Akure, Ondo State, where I did my NYSC Primary Assignment.
Oparah, a Communication Executive and Vice President with Airtel Africa in Dubai